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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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|  "The Lone Cypress" The 17 Mile Drive Pebble Beach, CA  Ryan Vo Fairmont Plaza San Jose, CA  Ryan Vo Seabright Beach, CA  Danny McClenon San Francisco, CA  Hoa Vo Pebble Beach, CA  Hoa Vo Pebble Beach, CA
For the past year, I was blaming myself for letting my guards down too easily and being too open with people. I cried a few tears here and there. I always wonder why I always let people have the best of me. I feel like a fool at times when I stumble across these people. A friend of mine said I shouldn't be so naive and I shouldn't let my guards down so easily. But to me, that's just not who I am. I like opening myself up to others, and even if I want to, I can't seem to change that.
What I've been struggling is how some folks don't have enough heart to care for others. And at times, I keep on crying and I keep on struggling to find the right answer after feeling used.
What I've found is real simple and it makes me laugh. From what I've recently learned in one of my classes is the difference in cultures that we have here in America, and how it has affected someone like me here today. I've come to understand that individualism is part of American culture and is a trait with most Americans. And growing up here as an Asian American with strict Asian parents and collective values, I have became the odd ball without ever realizing it. Looking back, I've always been the kid that gives homework to the bully in school thinking that he/she is my friend. I've always been the kid that give and give thinking that the other person also has my best interest in mind. And even now, I give and give until I find that I mean nothing to some people.
Culture and values are things you can't seem to ever change in anybody. I've come to see that people are always going to be different, and there's no use struggling to try to find the answer to why some people just don't see things the way you do. I guess after all that's said and done, I still feel a little sense of reward with those that do appreciate and care for me. And I guess I always come to say to myself, "Stop questioning things and just accept them as they are."
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| Took this at dawn last year after a sleepless night.
Drove home at 6 in the morning tired,
but I couldn't help but stop by to admire the tranquilness
of the pier without the day crowd.
Santa Cruz (Boardwalk) Pier
Beach Street
Santa Cruz, CA
Today, I went out shooting for a project for my social documentary class. I dragged my friend Steven along with me while it stopped raining. So I decided I should go around Boardwalk to find some homeless to take pictures of (since they intrigue me greatly). After I got what I needed from the Boardwalk Pier, I walked along Beach Street and came across a building I've always admired. It was the La Bahia apartments.
La Bahia Apartments
Beach Street
Santa Cruz, CA
Last year, I remember walking down Boardwalk admiring the old building's Spanish style architecture. I've always loved the white tainted walls and the glimpse I got from the outside into its courtyard. Somehow, I always thought the gate was locked. But apparently today, after coming close to take a picture of the sign on its gate, I discovered that it wasn't.
Upon the discovery, I stumbled into the courtyard wandering to see all its aged walls and architectural beauty. Then out of nowhere, I saw a guy peaking out from his window looking at me taking pictures of the courtyard. I thought it was strange but could be good if I can document his life in his apartment. So I decided to wave and say hello. The guy said hello back. Then I asked him if I can come in take a few photos of his apartment for my documentary. And he invited me in.
 This was the view of the window into their apartment.
And that is how this shoot started...
Inside, the guy introduced me to his roommate. When I came in, they were both cleaning the apartment. But as they found out more about what I was doing, they started to get really excited. They started pointing and asking different things that would be cool to take photos of and showing me all sorts of stuff they're into.
They appear to be normal looking guys, but they were very open and kind of crazy (in a good way).
One thing they had was an interest in music. One of the first things they showed me was a closet in their living that they have converted into a sound studio. They had keyboards, guitars, and synthesizers--the whole nine yards. I'm guessing they might be into electronic rock or something of the like.
Oh yeah, and they posed for me without even asking. Even more surprising was that they wanted me to take photos of them with all this stuff.
The guys also call one of their rooms "The Jungle." When they first told me about it, I was a little freaked out.
I thought, "WTF? Uh-oh. What have gotten myself into..."
 In "The Jungle"
But The Jungle ended up being very "gnarly." I didn't expect it to be so awesome. But when I saw it, it totally made sense on why they named it that.
The other guy's room was completely different. It was a little more modern and contemporary... with a bit of grunge and well, messiness.
While the guy was showing me his room, his jungle roommate came in with a rocker wig, a fur coat, and a scarf.
They joked around. And after showing me around their apartment, a friend of theirs came over. When I left, I thanked them for letting me in to photograph. The jungle guy went back to cleaning. And that was mainly all of what happened in the 20 minutes I was there. I was definitely surprised with what came out of sneaking into the apartment building.
This was their view into the courtyard. After leaving the guys' place, I went around the neighborhood and to a homeless shelter to take more photos for my documentary. I guess this time I got to document a lot of great characters. I got a couple of really good ones, but I'll just post my favorite.  Homeless playing his guitar among the bunks at the shelter. Santa Cruz Family Shelter River Street Santa Cruz, CA  Honda Civic San Jose, CA | | |
|  Self portrait of yours truly. This is for my upcoming website, which will be up and running soon!  Self portrait.
I go around wasting my time on things I think I need. I spend months, weeks, money, and however much effort it takes for me to crawl back to square one hopeless. But I find that sometimes, maybe it's just better off that these things wait. It's always so hard when your mind tricks you into believing that life can't be good without certain things. Friends say I think too much, but is it ever so wrong to think about these things?
I guess it's always the simplest and maybe the most obvious mistakes that you always end up repeating and learning from most. ----
Did a photoshoot of Laurel Bentley in San Francisco the other week.
She's a go-go dancer. She got boots with the furrr...
 Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley In front of a record store (right).  Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley Inside the record store.  Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley  Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley  Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley  Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley  Haight St., San Francisco, CA Laurel Bentley  Laurel Bentley And I almost forgot...  Isn't it cute? Found it off Haight St. when I did the shoot. | | |
| "Bed of Green"
Mission Hill
Santa Cruz, CA
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost." -J. R. R. Tolkien
Santa Cruz and I have a love-hate relationship. I hate the fact that it’s so different from what I’m used to, yet I can’t help but love the inner peace and freedom it brings me. After being here for a few years, I’ve come to realize that there’s a side of me that has been hiding in the back corner; that side craves the jumbled and humble scene separate from the conformity and keeping-up-with-the-Jones I've grown up with in San Jose. I am at ease here and I’ve found that nothing's more liberating than the bums on the corner, guitar and drum players that always hang around downtown Pacific, and the sight of the ocean.
Looking through the photos I’ve taken the past few months, I found a stream of pictures I’ve taken of an old bum sleeping on the grass in a park near by.
It always occur to me that bums always have this state of calmness to them. They have this aura no cleanly-prepped person I’ve seen has; it’s as if they’re just being, as if nothing else matters but their peace of mind and their enjoyment of the now, whatever that may be.
It's funny, but I find myself secretly admiring them. Coming from the Silicon Valley, it’s rare to find any bum hanging around so freely. Sometimes I really wish I could let all things go, pack my bags and join them for however long. Though I guess I always have the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side mentality, I often believe that bums are way better off than us normal blog-reading/writing, technologically advanced people. And at the bottom of it all, many may say a bum’s life is a “tough” life to lead, but are bum's sacrifices of living on the streets really worse than those of us who spend our time going through monotonous daily routines aiming to have a "comfortable" living--to achieve the American Dream?
Speaking from experience, many I know would consider themselves above and beyond those living on the streets, but I find that it could just be an even trade-off. I guess what it all boils down to is what you value more in life and how you want to live your life. Growing up in Silicon Valley and coming here to Santa Cruz, I find that balancing the two can be the toughest for a person to do, especially when what I've been used to is at one end and what I'm now seeing is at the other. It's hard to explain. When you're raised to believe that material things are important, it's hard to detach yourself from it completely to take on a new way of living.
But I do bike now, many times a week, even though I have a car. (I actually even got sick a few times biking in the rain too because I think I can tough it out and save on gas.) I also take the bus. I eat organic. I even dress more casual and I don't even pile on nearly as much makeup as before. I'm kind of proud to be able to adapt somewhat to this new way of living. I'm a lot more aware of my decisions and lifestyle now.
Though when I'm back in San Jose, it's unusual how I find myself changing just for the weekend to visit my dad or to go out with friends. I dress a little nicer; I look a little more put-together. I can't decide which version of myself I want to be.
In a few more months after I graduate, I will most likely force myself out of Santa Cruz. I still have the option of staying here, if I want to. But if I do, Santa Cruz is not a place to start a professional career and I know I'm very ambitious. So where do I want to stand? Beach bum in Santa Cruz or city professional? Decisions, decisions.
 "Differences" Chestnut Street Santa Cruz, CA  "A Loser's Confession" Graffiti found in the women's bathroom. Thiman Building, UCSC Santa Cruz, CA  "Tender" Monarch Butterfly Garden Natural Bridges, Santa Cruz, CA  Cute kid Natural Bridges Santa Cruz, CA Went on a little adventure with my friend Lammai a few months back...  Old San Jose Road Santa Cruz, CA Lammai Huynh  Old San Jose Road Santa Cruz, CA Lammai Huynh  Old San Jose Road Santa Cruz, CA Lammai Huynh  Old San Jose Road Santa Cruz, CA Lammai Huynh  Old San Jose Road Santa Cruz, CA Lammai Huynh  Summit Road Santa Cruz, CA Lammai Huynh Newly edited photo from an older shoot during the summer:  Church San Jose, CA Julie Tran And I decided to do a photo shoot with my friend Danny. Very business-y, very "professional", and very black and white for the most part.  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham (And no, he is not married.) Can't decide which one out of the two is better.  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham  Embarcadero San Francisco, CA Danny Pham | | |
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